OK, I'll admit it. I have been wrong when I disagreed with enlightened citizens from the Center (I can't call true Moderates "Leftists" anymore, as my former Nazi-esque position skewed my individual political scale to the Right) who have been actively defending our freedoms. Here are ten statements of my new-found (Tolerant-Progressive) belief:

1. So-called "Conservatives" are just all a bunch of mean, "no-shades-of-gray," silver-spoon-fed, rich fascists. Their belief structure was created in the unenlightened period of the 18th century, and no longer serves as a model for a society whose technological capabilities could end the thousand-year-problem of world hunger within two years.

2. White people are all evil. Even the white people who don't actively appear to be evil are indeed evil, as a result of societal imbalances. They should all automatically give every personal possession which does not immediately keep them alive to the nearest Person of Color. (BTW, can anybody tell me if I'm a Person of Color? I'm 100% Greek... my skin is dark, and I have dark hair and dark eyes. Give me the keys to your Volvo RIGHT NOW!) This act, while not turning a White person into a good person, will in some small part amend the 400+ years of White-over-Color oppression, and constitutes a Good Start.

3. Marx really had some great ideas; they were just poorly implemented by violent Russians like Stalin. Hey, Microsoft poorly-implements software all the time, but we don't just throw out Windows ME and replace it with Linux, right? Why should we throw the baby out with the bathwater?  After all, we shouldn't be working for individual greatness or wealth; all capital should immediately flow from the high-volume producers of it to the people who are least able to fend for their own needs. After all, it's only fair.

4. Hollywood has some really great ideas. I think that when the criminal, election-stealing Bush Administration is deposed by the coming world-wide worker revolt, and a righteous, Centrist government run by Dean, Kucinich, Putin, or Saddam Hussein (who should be immediately restored - at very least - to his seat of power by retreating American troops), is installed, it should consult with Hollywood directors, producers, and studio execs to create the new Federal Education Administration. This body, composed of only the most well-reasoned laureates from our beloved entertainment industry, will be empowered to create the high-quality, progressive education system that the oppressed minorities of the world need for a quality twenty-first century education. Some proposed courses? How about "Filling Out Government Aid Forms 101,"Conservatives - and How They Enslave," "The Fantasy World of Religion" (this will be a senior level course).

5. Ban Dangerous Things. The public ownership of violence-inducing consumer products, like cars that aren't engineered to automatically restrict their speed to the posted limits, all firearms, and household cleaning products, should immediately be banned. Armed soldiers representing the Workers of the World will be coming by your home to collect all banned items. Anyone attempting to hoard such contraband won't be punished, as punishment for crimes will be banned because it equates the state to the criminal. However, such hoarders will be subjected to 24-hour TV news broadcasting images of their evil non-compliance. They will be heckled into submission - but not if they are part of a Minority Aggrieved Group.

6. The Car Problem. We should immediately demand that auto-manufacturers make vehicles 100% out of recycled products. Every future car and truck (you will need government approval to purchase a truck) should have a zero-emission power plant by 2010, as the use of fossil fuels for anything other than the manufacture of 100% recyclable consumer products will be banned by 2011. Hey oil industry! Hear that? It's the sound of the Hammer Coming Down on you!

7. Evil Haliburton needs to go! Haliburton should be immediately dissolved, and its employees should be all lined up - and be submitted to 24-hour TV news broadcasting images of their evil environmental rape. Those employees will be heckled into submission - but not if they are part of a Minority Aggrieved Group.

8. Kids. Kids should be shown the truth about human sexuality as soon as they are old enough to read. They should be made aware that often times, adults will make the conscious decision to date within their own gender. Since marriage is a silly custom from a quaint, religious, and maliciously chauvinistic age, we should encourage couples to "hook up" for as long as they want to, without having to trouble themselves with marriage. Kids shouldn't care who their father is, as not knowing your parentage is the ultimate statement of "diversity." Children will not be permitted to tease one another, as such peer-to-peer abuse affects tender kids almost as pervasively as White people oppress People of Color. Children will be monitored 24-hours a day to ensure that every thought voiced is well-reasoned, progressive statement of societal tolerance of all behaviors and ideas, including ideas that were once deemed "evil" by stifling, fire-n'-brimstone bible-thumping dimwits from the Anti-Dancing League of Baptist-inspired Christianity. Oh, and there shouldn't be any restrictions on any media that children see or hear - after all, they're going to have to deal with The Real World sooner or later.

9. Religious Statements. Every religious statement of a Minority Aggrieved Group, or even of White Jewish/Christian Oppressors, should be immediately expunged from every public record, speech, artwork, flag or other medium of communication. This is how us Tolerant Progressives will ensure that NO RELIGION interferes with, offends, or is even raised as a topic of discussion by persons within 1000 meters of any public institution - including fire hydrants.

10. Drugs and Taxes. Smoking, an act of terrible public destructiveness, should be banned forthwith. Helpful pharmaceuticals like cannabis, cocaine, heroin, and other substances banned by the criminal, election-stealing Bush Administration, should immediately be sold in the marketplace, although they should be heavily regulated - and heavily taxed, as should all substances that cause societal harm. In fact, taxes should go up - way up. Why aren't the rich paying their fair share? After all, if you have a million-dollar income, you can definitely afford to live on $50,000, as is proven every day by poor people forced to live on 1/4 that amount by rich, money-grubbing capitalists. Some will call this "punishing success." I call it "giving back to the community."

Well, there's my Tolerant Progressive platform. Hope you liked it. I actually agree with the little bit about legalizing drugs, as I think that the War on Drugs is equivalent to the War on Booze of the 1920's.